The Life of a Betrayer
by FuNnY cIdE
Summary: I never meant to betray them. I never meant for them to die. I never meant...I never meant for a lot to happen. Why I feel Peter joined the Dark Lord and his regrets about that decision. R&R!


A/N: Slightly based on a personal response that I wrote for Hamlet last year that I really enjoyed. This isn't as good...because Peter is complicated. So I was thinking about Peter and realized that he fit into some sort of obscure character category and I felt like writing about it. I also couldn't get the first sentence out of my mind so I had to write it down. I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.

I never meant to betray them. I never meant for them to die. I never meant...I never meant for a lot to happen. But what use is regret now? They are dead. Every last one of them-gone-and I am alone.

I know how people see me. I see their sneers and I hear their laughter. Stupid little Peter always tagging along after someone. Stupid. Useless. Peter. Even when I was younger and attending muggle school I was shunned. Shunned because I was fat. Shunned because I was stupid. Shunned because I was "the odd Pettigrew boy."

Hogwarts was different though. I found friends-the best friends a guy could ask for. They stood up for me and didn't mind that I was a fat, dumb, awkward boy. I can't even recall how many times they defended me against-not just the Slytherins- but everyone; even myself. Together we ruled the school...we were gods. People worshiped us, or at least Sirius and James, as if we were Kings. For the first time in my life I was one of the popular kids-on the inside.

Things changed though. Inevitably it seems. They should've let me be as soon as they saw my animagous was a rat. I was worried then...but they didn't laugh because I was small and weak. They saw my usefulness in getting into the Shrieking Shack, my usefulness in getting them out of tight situations. They always saw what I refused to see. I don't know what changed. But soon I was just there- unimportant and useless as always. It hurts to be on the outside. I was no longer the fourth important member of the Marauders, Wormtail. I was just Peter again. Useless unintelligent tag-along Peter.

And then Voldemort came along. He promised me power, he promised me that I would no longer be alone-no longer useless. He taught me that I had to earn their respect and their fear and I suppose it worked. I was Voldemort's right hand man for a while as I fed him information about the Order. I gained once more the confidence I had had when I was a true Marauder. I became Wormtail again. So when Voldemort asked me to become the Secret Keeper for the Potter's I complied without hesitation. When he asked me to betray my friends I complied with little hesitation. I thought that they too would accept his request to join Voldemort. I thought I should've known...they were never weak like myself. They understood loyalty. I should've known that James would never join a group that condemned to kill muggle-borns like his "dear Lily-Flower." I should've known that as soon as I had the mark burned on to my skin I would forever betray my friends. I should've known that as soon as I became a Death Eater I was no longer a Marauder.

But I have never been able to pick up on things quickly, I have always been the stupid one. I didn't fully realize what I had done until Voldemort killed my best friend and his wife that one fateful Halloween. And by then it was too late. I completed my task in life-the betrayer- and sentenced my friend to Azkaban for crimes he didn't commit. He never expected me to be so clever and cunning; I heard it in his laughter. _I can't believe _I _was outwitted by stupid little Peter Pettigrew. _

I signed away all good in my soul that morning. I was nothing after that. A mere shadow of the human I had once being. I could no longer feel. I knew as I scurried through the sewer that I could never reconcile with the light and certainly never with my friends.

As I watched Harry grow up without love or parents I felt nothing. I never thought of rejoining my former master or even of killing the boy who brought about the end of master's reign. But when I saw the hatred in my old friends eyes...saw that they were prepared to murder me... I knew then that I would be forced to be alone for the rest of my pathetic existence.

I had no choice; I returned to him. I nursed him and I gave my right hand willing for him. He laughed as I cried and watched the blood spout from my wrist. He forced me to suffer and he enjoyed it. I felt pure unaltered hate at the moment. Not for him...only for myself. I hated myself for being weak. I hated myself for not being able to even save the only surviving Potter. I hated myself for being excited about the metal indestructable hand that replaced my other one.

And now, as I sit here in the Malfoy mansion I finally realize why it was stupid to join the Dark Lord. (but once again, I have never been credited for being intelligent) I realize that he has no hope of ever conquering the wizarding world while people like Harry Potter are still around. I realize that there is far too much good in this world for evil to ever win. I realize that I was made a rat because the fates knew that I was a fool, a coward, and a vile betrayer.

I watch as Potter and his friends begin their escape from this hell-hole.

I watch as I try to stop them.

I watch as I, undoubtedly, fail.

I feel nothing as my metal hand encloses around my throat.

I feel nothing as Harry, the true son and James and Lily Potter, tries to save me.

I feel nothing as the world goes black.

A/N: Voila finished! I hope you enjoyed it and I also hope you review it!

Keep On Writing;)


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